Adamic Woman Essay
Dear Sisters of Solomon,
The time has come for the true woman to be revealed.
The woman that is hidden in the deepest secrets of the Torah. In holy places filled with holy dread in which only the bravest of souls would dare to look.
For too long in this generation, our choices have been framed by the forces of the ‘other side’. Fighting for a place, in what we were told was a man’s world. When in fact, we are the “place”, the very foundation of the place. A place that we could have inhabited at any time had we but known the true nature of the feminine principles of creation.
We can be forgiven our ignorance of this momentous truth because it is a concept so overwhelmingly vast, and it fills up the fabric of reality so completely, that it has been invisible to us. But the incoming Messianic Light is making it possible to at first glimpse, then with God’s help grasp, and finally to be able ride the waves of the Holy One’s own consciousness.
Our sometimes two-dimensional understanding of the matriarchs that have been portrayed in almost mythical terms, has distanced us from their greatness and knowledge to the point that we feel we could never attain such a level. But if we are willing to make our way through the fog of our generation’s misconceptions and the sting of our own dashed hopes for true relationship, we will be able to hear their voices that speak to us in the deepest layers of the Torah, hidden there for us to find… now… when the world needs them most.
We can enter the fulness of our femininity that in no way negates, supersedes, or even competes with the masculine. But instead, wonder of wonders, we will find that we are the very source of his masculinity! A dance of expanding and contracting forces, when properly aligned, causes worlds to be born.
The longings that we feel, and can barely articulate, even to ourselves, can be fulfilled in a place we would never think to look — the inner lining of a man. The man. A true man which the Torah calls an ADAM. A complete human being, who was created male and female. One who is in the true image and likeness of God.
The only way to traverse this path is with Love and Fear of God. In Nefesh HaChaim, in the fourth gateway, there is a discussion about wisdom only being given to the wise, and one must have storehouses of love and fear of God to properly receive the wisdom. This level of fear and love is necessary for this work. Nothing less will do.
If you can walk through fire and come out on the other side, you will be able to do something meaningful for the Holy One. And now you will know all your suffering had meaning and purpose. Things were the way they were to prepare you. Turn your desire into a merkavah, ride it into Gan Eden. Bring Malchut with you. Someone has to do it. It might as well be you. And if not now, when?
Some of us have been chewed up and spit out on these uncharted shores. Rejected, misunderstood, our sexual natures betrayed in a thousand ways. But it was because we were meant to do something extraordinary. And if He wills it, we will succeed. If we align our will to His will. And if we can learn to live with one foot in this world and one in the world to come. It makes for a surreal existence. You should prepare yourself for this.
In a sense one needs to be prepared to die. There is a certain condition that might be likened to the shipwreck of the soul. Reaching the end of our misconceptions about male and female sexual relationships that can feel tragic, but in fact, it is the doorway to a larger reality. One that does not negate anything, but surrounds, transforms, and illuminates the real masculine and real feminine.
If you choose this path of conscious sexuality, begin by carefully creating for yourself a sacred space in your imagination. Take time to do this. Be as detailed as you like. Let it unfold for you. Give yourself permission to make things exactly as you would like them. There is something very important about constructing a personal spiritual domain where you are fully in control. It is your Makom. Your ‘home away from home’ so to speak, where anything is possible. Your wildest fantasies can be played out in this space. Because you are surrendering the entire place and whatever happens there to the Holy One.
We say the prayer… ‘For the sake of the unification of the Holy One and His Shechinah….’ This is not some platitude. It is the intention of our heart that binds us to the unfathomable energies of the unimaginable Desire of the Hasadim for the Gevurot. When we connect to this, to whatever degree we are able, we will see that the Male and Female polarities are everywhere. The whole Torah is concerned with producing holy offspring, and who is going to do it and how. And when it looks like there’s some kind of problem in that program, godly people do what might look like questionable things in order to further what is in the Divine Mind.
Places you thought you could never go are now open to you and the sparks of holiness that are trapped can be set free. Though it takes courage and constant adjustment to make sure you are being a channel and not trying to hold on to what belongs to the Universe. Lust takes for itself. Passion surrenders all its bounty into the Divine dance of HuG.
It takes practice to align yourself and re-calibrate your usual paradigm of what sexuality is all about. You can get 'singed' by the power of the energies. You may have to take some time to heal and recover when this happens. Then come near again. It almost unmakes you over and over until you are able to withstand the powers and enter into the center where all is calm.
Learn to harness your pre-existing, God given desire for sexuality and procreation that is the most powerful drive we have and allow it to flow through you. Do not try to hoard it for yourself, which as everyone knows, when you really think about it, is impossible. Ohrganuzic light is a fleeting, passing few moments that cannot be held or stored up. But we can direct it, reconnect it to the divine circuits that transform it into alternating current instead of direct current. (Which is why we can get burned by random, undisciplined sexual activities.) And once you become a conduit and not a cul-de-sac, the energies, because they are now connected to their root in the Divine, can and do increase exponentially because you have merged into the flow of the Sha’ashu’a, the very hidden heartbeat of God.
Furthermore, you will learn to become aware of the very subtle nuances of the sexual experience that had been hidden from you before because the energies were out of balance at best or totally misdirected and taken over by the sitra achra — the “other side” — at worst. The less you hold onto what is taking place the greater is the territory you can explore in the Divine landscape.
In the words of a woman I know…
“The woman’s lower yesod, in her mysterious depths, opens the well of waters, which becomes the sign of her desire. It is the moist and earthy language she speaks, calling to her beloved, inviting him to come through her gates. Her delight comes from the chasms of the world. When she is in her joy, her sounds are deep and primal. Groans as of the foundations moving, the base notes of song that vibrate the lowest roots of creation, bringing forth nitzotzot that had all but abandoned hope of rescue. Those vibrations invoke a pushing, as if already foreseeing the birthing that is to come.
The upper yesod holds the key to the kingdom. She stands alone, a unique one in her secret tower, hidden from casual seekers. She must be carefully wooed, or she will not yield her treasures. She relies on her sister’s waters from below to provide a membrane of safety. For though she is powerful and exquisitely responsive, she is also easily damaged. And when she reaches her place of ecstasy, she sings the high soaring sounds that shatter barriers, pierce through the darkness, and open celestial gates. She draws everything upward with her in her flight. However, she will not and cannot leave her sister, for they are forever bound together in their holy mission…. to see the Face of the King.”
You too can find endless possibilities for play and freedom from shame and self-doubt, for you will see the echo of your fleshly body in the heavenly body that iterates all the way into the mind of God, in Whose image you have been created!
Be careful. There are still parameters even in this rarified place. We are still in a fallen world and there are things that cannot be rectified in their present state. This work requires exacting discipline and constant awareness of the state of one’s surrender to the Divine Will. My dear sisters, it takes more discipline and self-control to make a holy zivug than it does to abstain altogether.
If you want to have a transcendental relationship with the Holy One of Israel, it’s not going to be ‘safe’. It’s going to be like a virgin girl seeing for the first time the fullness of her husband’s yesod on her wedding night. Shocking. Compelling. Something you are afraid of, but at the very same time, you want it with every fiber of your being! Because without that yesod entering into your most private place, a place that even you don’t really know yet, there will be no union, no marriage, no offspring….. no life!
I haven’t mentioned a key element in all this… and that is love. The tender, caring, all important factor that sets mere sexual intercourse apart from surrendered, ecstatic holy unifications. For me as a woman, nothing is more important than knowing in my deepest place of knowing that I am safe to open all my places to my beloved. And if I have ever had problems in this sacred work, it has been during times when for some reason or another, doubts about the strength of the holy space we were building. Am I speaking Truth? Are the seals well set? Are the covenants secure? Is the connection clear and true?
And if you get confused, if you have doubts, if you have questions, ask the Holy One freely and openly. Make a covenant with Him. Make it clear that, “Whatever I do I do for the sake of heaven!” Why else would we do such things? It's almost like the seemingly odd things that the prophets did. Representative physical actions of spiritual principles. For what other tools to we have but our physical bodies?
God gave us our bodies of flesh to preserve us until we can don our bodies of light once more. We may be poor beggars now, but once we were like the angels and with Hashem's mercy, we will be again. But for now we are like Job. And though we suffer we too can say… ‘Yet from my flesh I shall see God’. Yes we come into this world from an evil smelling drop but even that is destined for purification. He knows we are but dust…but the dust will praise Him.
May the holy roots of my flesh rejoice for I have chosen to see the Holy One through all that He has created. Not to despise anything that carries within it the nitzotzot of kedusha, no matter how far it has fallen, they still belong to God and I will sing His praises with whatever I can. Whatever is within my grasp. “Do not look upon me because I am swarthy, for the sun has burned me” (Song of Songs). But look, the Sun of righteousness comes! With healing in Its wings (Psalms). And I will keep my own vineyard and it will be that my husband is my Maker (See Songs of Songs)!
S.B.A.
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